Eyes Can Talk

I wrote this at midnight while listening to 'Those Eyes.' 

Every time this song plays, all those memories come rushing back during my late-night overthinking. 

I just realized that this song was on my playlist back when I was doing my clinical rotations at RSCM. 

It reminds me of that day—the first time I felt so sad and scared because I lost my very first patient. Even though it happened three years ago, I can't forget that feeling. 

I still remember the eyes of the patient's family, their hopes, and how patiently they cared for them. I think I’m going to cry just thinking about it.

I’ve realized that I need to be in a 'safe place' for my own well-being. In nursing, it feels like nowhere is truly safe because, in the end, you eventually lose your patients.

I chose to work in the outpatient department because I see so much hope and life here. 

I won't have to face 'Code Blues' as often, which helps me avoid the depression that follows them. 

I’m the type of person who overthinks every life-or-death situation—wondering if I did my best, if I made the right call, or if things would be different if I were better. Those regrets can haunt me for a week and really take a toll on my mental health. I believe I’m better off here, where I can still grow without losing myself.

I think that the hardest part of being a nurse is accepting that you can't save everyone.

- ra